hallelujah, lock and load...

sometimes i feel myself tighten up in anger when someone says something about you.
like i've taken it in some form of offense, even when i have no reason to.

a few days ago, me, nick, and marisa were standing next to each other hanging off the bleachers for some stretch in PE.
somehow we came onto the topic of you.
marisa said 'i'm not gonna lie about reese. i think she's a really cool person, but she just as her moments, and i hate the way she treats chris.'
my brain felt like it was swelling. like i wanted to say 'she doesnt treat me badly' even though i know the truth.
like i want to give her a chance, so i need to let other people do so, and at least pretend that i'm seeing beyond that layer.
i'm in denial, one way or the other, but can't put my finger on the situation.
you're dangling me from a string. a very thin one. still thick, but thin for my body weight...
thick and thin tend to rely on one another too much these days.

i deleted my myspace a few minutes ago.
i felt a stab of regret and loss afterwards, being sadly and pathetically reminded of how big it was in my life.
i'm not so much regretting it anymore.
i think i mostly did it to try and detach myself from you.
it won't do much, but it's a start, a start to a very frustrating path that will take a long time to stop at end.
myspace probably won't be my internet home anymore.
i think this will. most likely.
maybe i won't have to browse onto your myspace anymore and see things that whimper me,
like 'i hella like a boy named sam =]'


...it makes me sick, a little bit...

goodnight, blog.
goodbye, myspace.