No matter which way you stay

it's funny how your thoughts can completely impair and obstruct your vision of the ceiling above,

when you're in bed just staring at it.




you're not the only one who can't imagine you without jish..

when i think of you, i think of you and josh. together.

and if you're not with him, you're thinking of him, and you're missing him

or you're texting him or talking to him via telephone.

and i don't doubt you if even for a second when you say you're in love.



i'm not sure why i needed to say all that...

it's not like you ever questioned me questioning you.

sometimes i just think you feel you need to be told that everyone knows you and him are in love.




it's good.


sometimes i just lay awake and think of what you're doing at that moment.

what's she thinking about?

josh.

is she doing the same thing i'm doing? just laying in bed awake with her music and thinking?

maybe she's eating more ramen, or playing with chloe.

maybe she's just asleep and dreaming like the rest of us should be.





i was listening to walking with a ghost just now.

in bed, trying to grasp the concept of the lyrics.

it's hard to do with lyrics like that.

so much repetitiveness, but it means something.

having the strong urge to look them up on songmeanings.net

but i like having my own interpretation every once in a while.

i don't want to be influenced right now.




that was the first song i had ever heard by tegan and sara.

about two years ago, i saw it on michaela lawson's profile (reese's bestfriend...)

i loved it. and went onto itunes and searched their music.

of course i did the unthinkable, and found that the other music wasn't as interesting.




they proved me so wrong.


two years later they're the most amazing band to me.

bought the the new album The Con just so i could get to know their music a few months before the concert,

but had no idea that i'd fall so madly in love with them.

i love how things fall into place like that.

just waiting in the crowd. everyones quiet and they had just came out for their encore.

once i saw that sara had the acoustic, and tegan had the electric, i knew the song.

not that there aren't other songs with acoustic and electric...i could just tell. you know?

there was whispering, and then four small drum thumps on stage.

then the four arpeggiated notes.

and everyone goes crazy.

alex was appreciative because that was pretty much the only song she knew by them.


silly girl.




thought i'd share. i was reviewing the videos of them i took on my phone at the concert.

then i remembered nicks in chico right now staying in alex's apartment number nineteen.

...he's going up to tahoe to snowboard...

lucky betch.

(not the boarding part, just the snow, and seeing alex...)



i watched one tree hill and pete wentz was on it throughout like the whole episode.

guest star or something...has a fling with peyton...

it's loco.

anyways peyton was wearing a dresden dolls shirt a few episodes ago...

and i paused it and took a picture of it with my phone.

then walking with a ghost came on.

...so you see what i mean when i say things fall into place.





my throat's been hurting.

it's sore as fuck and i have no idea why.

i'm not coughing, sneezing,

my voice isnt even raspy.

it feels like there's brick in it.

it hurts especially when you're layin on your back trying to sleep.

the swallowing process makes it feel like there are weights crushing yr throat.




anyways....i just needed to get some random thoughts out.

nothing like a good old rendezvous on blogspot.

puts the cherry on top of my late night.



PS. i watched a parody on comedy central of sex in the city.

now i'm glancing over my shoulder at the real show,

and the comedians couldn't have done a better impression.



PS. #2: you're love song is done.

--------------------------

X


it's day 2 of this blog. i didn't feel like making a whole new one.

it sounds like less of a struggle.

so i just went to edit.




today i left my house by myself.

walked to jefferson and sat on the swingset.

then i meandered to the front of the elementary school and laid beneath the two humungous trees.

some square teachers walked by looking at me weirdly.

i think they caught me talking to myself a couple times..

i was gone for a couple hours.



cloverdale is so different when you're going through it alone.

i felt like a stranger.




anyways, i just got back from longs.

my sore throat has expanded into terrible headeaches, and blood-red eyes.

my veins reach the brown surrounding the pupil.

i can feel them beating, like my heart.

so i got some advil, some airborne, some raspberry herbal tea, and some redness relief Visine...

the tea. it's tasty. delicious.

very tea-ish.




who would have thought, right?!




i slept terrible last night.

more than i have in a long time.




anyways, the start of my diet i was 229.

this morning i got on, and i was 217.

good job, chris.



i might update later...

the Tea feels fucking amazing on my throat..


i'm off to watch a movie.

----------------------

x