fall out boy

pulling words apart in my mind.

thoughts about reese have eased.

in a good way.

i'm realizing that i just want to be friends with her.

but i mean actually FRIENDS.

because in both of our lives, we've never been JUST FRIENDS.

is it funny to hear that i consider reese as an ex-girlfriend?



i realized, half the time i'm pushing people away for the wrong reasons.

but there's no wrong in needing time for only me, is there?

there's hardly ever any fallouts between me and reese..

this all happens in my head.

and this is when i realized, i am a fall out boy.

i fall and fade into people, get to know them, and push them away.

i'm beginning to think that maybe i'm the hard-to-get one after all.

maybe i'm one of those People that Always Leave.

maybe i'm the fisherman and you're all the fish.



i know reese wants to have fun.

i just don't grasp some concepts as easy as others.

like, i'm not the kind of guy who's gonna go out to all the parties and get laid and whatever else you do.

i'll take the blame for being just..different than other people.

but now i understand..seriously.



i'm not going to try and change anyone for my own sake and say it's for theirs.

because i never planned to and i never tried to.

i'm just a kid.

i make mistakes, and when i know i make one, i just try to avoid it next time around.

but avoiding doesn't always work, because sometimes i'm just falling back each step into every other crack i tried to skip.

i just all want this to be easy today.

i know it won't,

but there's no harm in wanting something you know you can't have.



..irony, right?

no one will understand that.

i've harmed myself and others over something i've wanted and couldn't have many, many times.

but i've learned.

and at the end of the day, i'm home and tired watching the rain with bella and napping.

..she sleeps when it rains...

hoping that the next day my thoughts will lay low and hide out,

so it will all be easier to get through.



"Everything will be perfect someday."


PS. I finished my song.



bottom line, i just miss people.

but most of all, i miss me.