Trustfund secret

thought i'd start out with the simple things and finish off with what's really been buzzing.
i'll probably forget this rule after a couple paragraphs so beware, and don't hold charges...

i feel like i haven't blogged in a while.
i'm used to not having a myspace.
it's nice, really...
i'm not wandering aimlessly around people's profiles waiting for new comments.

anyways, i was wandering aimlessly around my inbox in my cellular. [funny, right?]
looking at marisa's texts.
they make me smile.
i read one at the end of the day right after school that i never got because my phone was off.
'wanna eat lunch together?'
it made me smile.
i'm not sure why. just thought it was really cute.

'i look at temporal bodies as slingshots being pushed, and when they die, the trigger is released. i'd like to think sasha is getting the ride of her life right now.'
i wrote that in my essay on the five-minutes-from-lifeline.
about the whole putting sasha down ordeal.
sometimes, i wonder who really started the negativity part of death.
i mean, it has to have all started with one person, right?
i'd like to hit that person who discovered what death really is.

in spanish we learned about mexican culture.
on halloween, they go to the graveyard and have a party.
rather than mourning, they reminisce and celebrate.
they tell stories of their loved ones who had died, and bring foods that person liked.
i think that's amazing.
i wish everyone had that view on death.


sorry i can't write tonight. dry spell. can't think fully.

talked to reese about the whole rudeness thing.
apologized, really...
because i wanted to [try] and figure her out.
she says she loves me. i've partly come to believe her.
i was on the phone with veronica, and told her ALL about how i felt about reese.
i didn't care if she told her, and she did.
reese said 'the only thing i backed out on was the going out thing, and i wouldnt expect you to understand why. but you act like i dont mean it when i say i love you. you don't know.'

?????
veronica told me that reese told her there's a reason she says things like that and then backs out.
from what i've heard, it's EXTREMELY personal and secretive, and veronica's the only one that knows, and reese doesn't want me to know.
they truly believe i will not understand at all.
i'm not saying i will understand, but i deserve an explanation more than anything.
after all that i've been put through?
completely unfair...

sorry this blog was so gossip-filled. i hate those. so i hate this.

goodnight.