birthday. ruined.

woke up today with hope and excitement for the day.
straddled on my jeans and a shirt and left.

i like how nice people were being to me today. it was a fun change.
people gave me brownies, and money....
then at lunch you showed up and got in line with me.
you wrapped your arm inside of mine properly.
i hunched down a little bit and grasped yours.
'ah. you're too tall for me.' and you let go.
...funny.
you were always the tall girl, and complained about not having a guy taller than you.
funny, funny, funny...i waste my time worrying about not being tall enough and now that i am, i'm TOO tall...
wouldn't have cared if you didn't say it a second time when i mentioned your text i had just received of you saying 'are you here today? i want to give you a hug!'
and you said 'oh. i was going to. but you're too tall. maybe later.'

my day just started getting slightly worse, like it was building up into one big mess.
thats BASICALLY what it did...
in biology some kid kept placing a home-made sticker on my back that said 'i love little boys.'
he did a couple times without me knowing, until marisa [sitting behind me] said "ok. stop. seriously. it's not funny."
then he said he thought it was, and people told him to grow up, me being completely oblivious to what was going on...

sometimes i think of the things i have. theres so much i have, and so much i don't.
when i think of the things i don't have,
i always end up thinking about you.
you have no idea in the whole entire world, not a CLUE as to how empty and terrible it makes me feel.
theres not a particle in your body that feels what i do. honestly.

i was walking with you and veronica home.
when it came to the turn on my street, you both turned with me.

we were sitting in the kitchen and eating cake.
marisa called me.
i answered, she was angry with me because reese was with me.
[right now my moms chewing me out because bella peed]
now marisa was mad at me. there was more to it, but i dont feel like writing it.
reese got a phone call and then told me news of having to go to san francisco tomorrow with the volleyball varsity.
'WHAT'i said.
'yeah....' she said.
so basically our plans have diminished. then it became awkward, and reese went into the living room and i exchanged looks with veronica, darting my eyes to reese and giving strange, quiet looks of annoyedness and whatthefuck-ness.
conversation became smaller, and the quietness in the room made it so obvious we were communicating about her with our faces.
they were leaving,
veronica gave me a hug while i was sitting on my stool.
i did an 'AHEM' towards reese where she smiled with soda in her mouth.
'get up' she said. walked towards her weirdly and said 'sorry im too tall far you reese.'
hunched once again and hugged her. felt like nothing.
you handed me your soda and said 'you can have this.'
when you were gone out the door, i took a sip.
it tasted bitter, so i threw it away.