I Fell in Love

i feel like i havent updated in years.

i thought i'd get over with the every-blog question 'whatsgoingonwithreesetoday?' so i can move on with stuff that will leave my eyes empty.

she, in return, made me a mix of random songs. 'reese flavor.'
i have taken a seriously strange liking to the songs 'linger' by the cranberries, and butterfly flicking 'fade into you' by mazzy star.

"you know im such a fool for you.
you've got me wrapped around your finger.
do you have to let it linger?
do you have to?"


you told me to listen to 'fade into you' and pay attention to the lyrics.
i wasn't while listening, because sometimes i didnt know what she was singing, but i just looked up some of the lyrics.

"I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath thats true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life
You go in shadows
Youll come apart and youll go black
Some kind of night into your darkness
Colors your eyes with whats not there.

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think its strange you never knew

A strangers light comes on slowly
A strangers heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think its strange you never knew

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think its strange you never knew
I think its strange you never knew"

are you trying to tell me through these lyrics that i'm afraid?
that i'm showing something i don't really have?
i texted you 'you had this song on your profile when you were in love with me.'
you ignored it and asked me how i liked the song by afroman on there.
you've got your eye on someone else. luigi.
...and quite frankly i'm not bothered.
must mean something.
my stomach still sinks, but it's been doing that all day for reasons i'll tell in a bit.



my moms being a total betch tonight.
she wont talk, she wont smile. she didnt eat.
she wont answer my questions.
like she found out something TERRIBLE i did.
maybe she did.


today, i learned two things.

#1: i'm in way more in love with females' voices than most males'.
not scared to admit it.
current bands: tegan & sara. the dresden dolls.
current songs: look above.
all by women.
i've actually known this for a very long time, just never thought about it.



#2: the most important lesson to date.
i learned today that you can be in Love with something else besides a person.
i am in Love with last night.
i am in Love with how Tegan constantly looked over at me. she had the crew turn on the lights dimly so she could look up at the balcony.
i am in Love with how tall i am; the only reason in the world for Tegan to see me.
i am in Love with how i was one of the only few dancing and belting out lyrics to every song at the top of my lungs.
i am in Love with how she waved at me when i waved at her.
i am in Love with how some people looked at me strangely.
i am in Love with the seats we got.
i am in Love with how i went up to the blonde guitarist chick from the opening band 'northern state' and hugged her after the concert.
i am in Love with how happy i was when tegan and sara walked on stage.
i am in Love with how they came back for an encore because the crowd was so fucking loud. (which included walking with a ghost, the living room, and i know i know i know)
to put it into simple words, i am in LOVE with every single second of last night.
from the opening band, to the main band. to mine, alex's, caitlin's and vinnies 'after party' at alexs apartment.
we all ate pizza, vitamin water, and chocolate pudding.


last night was one of the best nights of my life.
i miss last night.
i LOVE last night.
THAT'S why my stomach has been sinking all day.
because i miss it so much.


dear God, tegan and sara are the most amazing individuals on the planet in my book.






PS. guess whose most amazing night was spent completely sober?


goodnight friends.