putting holes in happiness

this sounds pathetic, but i can't remember the last time i cried over her.

...i decided that this is MY blog, not a devoting thirty-entried letter towards HER...
so this won't be for ''YOU'' anymore...it's for ME. and hammy..

sometimes i just can't help myself.
i constantly throw her questioning looks across the street.
because i always feel her staring at us.


(4, 5 days till concert)
(4, 5 days till i have a chance to maybe see the girl from kelseyville)


i imagine what she's talking about at the moment.
i hear her words in my head, even when they aren't real.
i hear her saying 'ohhh my god. last night was crazy' and then laughing with michaela.
i hear her bragging 'dayyuuumm we were fucked UP.'
i hear her talking shit about people. 'she needs to learn not to wear those pants.'
i hear her mouth going on and on about the same stuff.

it's come to the point where i can predict what a conversation with michaela and her would be when i'm there.

what else do they talk about?
boys. hints from reese about girls because she doesn't want michaela to know who she really is.
her best friend doesn't know her best-kept-secret.

why does she consider me a friend?
i'm her second choice. always.



i'm your gold when you could have emerald.



i want her to regret this. i want to pull through and make her regret this.
i want her to regret all the shit she's put me through.
she doesn't fucking deserve to have this effect on people.
who says she should have the priviledge to break our hearts?


i want the three cheers for sweet revenge.


something else i think is just plain bizarre:
she's trying to get back with laura for another night.


no PS.