on being in rain, and inside of rain surrounding the rain i'm inside of.

i fucking love how harshly the rain is pounding on the pavement.
i fucking love how it was raining all day.

....i'm thinking of you every second.

i remember when you, vinnie, and i went to see a movie.
i was all snuggled in a blanket.
you were slumping against me, with yer head against my shoulder.
my arm was pinned, and how regretfully stupid i felt about you being on me and me not being on you was terrible.
being near you still makes my heart beat faster and faster.
...that's why this feeling isn't easy to block out.
it's not easy at all.
it's still hard to accept the fact that you can't commit.

it's sad to know you don't love me the way i always thought you did when you said it.

'you suit me perfectly.' you said last summer.
i wish i could have appreciated that more.
i think i've said this, but our roles were switched.
you loved me then. i didn't realize it until later.
i remember being told 'you're so stupid chris. after all this time you've liked her, she likes you, and you don't like her back.'

i wish we could incorporate the way we used to be, and the way we are now into one relationship.
i wish too much.

back to the rain.
i wasn't paying attention to anyone today.
just to myself, my thoughts, and you.
.

'i want you in my bed.' you said to me during last month's first rain.

ditto.