Man With Two Brains

i haven't blogged in what feels to be weeks.

...it's only been eleven days.


i've been thinking lately.

narrow minded epiphanies in my head.

i discovered and exposed that the only person i try to impress is myself.

i set out to feel self accomplished.

if someone i even consider impressing isn't impressed by what i think is impressing,

i'm impressed.

i'm dressed to unimpress once again. to all of you.

except for me.



impressions come in so many different forms, in my book.

i can impress myself when i dress successfully.

"you somewhat match today," i can think to myself.

(unlike most people i have the uncanning ability to have no sense of fashion-forward appeal)

clothes are the last thing on my mind though. at least when i'm looking in the mirror.


i had broken a promise to myself.

out of all the promises i make, i have to break this one.

because i'm a fool.

reese did exactly what i thought she'd do to me.

she just did it a lot sooner than i expected.

she comes into my life. makes an impact.

i get used to her. she's a part of me again...

and then, she leaves. she abandons me.

i'm in the dust, just like i have been so many years before.

and i keep letting her trample on over me, letting her do the same thing to me again even though i'm completely aware of it.

"maybe she won't do it this time."

i can make myself believe anything i want to.

that doesn't mean it's actually true though. and that's the worst part.

my head makes no sense.

my heart makes no sense.



i am NOT the man with two brains.

i wish i could have two. one in my head, and one in my pants.

but here comes the "chris is different" role in my life.

the brain in my head completely overthrows the one in my pants.

this is the only reason i would ever wish to be like every other guy.

to forget about girls and never fall in love and go around fucking everyone.

"it's not the way i'm meant to be. it's just the way the operation made me."


i want a car and a plane ticket and money and a loyal friend.


cut myself the other day.

second time in my life.

again. on the stomach.

i don't even know why.

i wasn't even on edge.

i was just sick of everything, of everyone and how the world's changed so much as i grew up.



maybe everyone's been this way the whole time.

but now i'm just realizing it.



that everyone is plastic, and everyone's sarcastic.

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