Designing mouths.

last night i didnt sleep in my room.

i cant lay in bed and look at the poster on my wall of the dresden dolls and know "i stole from you..."

but i dont know. i still plan on buying their album.

i would never leave them hanging like that.

poor amanda. thats why she hasnt been on updating at all.

it would fucking suck to have an album of yours leak.


anyways...went on to theham.buzznet.com/user/journal.

saw this:



laughed at "does this blog make me look fat?"

then looked in the top right corner and smiled at the picture of sara in coachella.

her haircuts adorable.

i didnt pay attention to it in davis, though...

they both had haircuts.

anyways i took this video.

its my favorite one.



it was magical when they stopped playing all their instruments after the bridge just so everyone could sing.

"i just want back in your heeeaaaaddddd."

the guy jumping was fucking annoying.

but thank goodness i wasnt even holding up the camera as high as my face so i could see beyond him.

what makes me laugh is how right when the instruments do stop, he fades from sight.

then comes back.


chills went through my whole entire body.

PS. i watched juno yesterday.

---------------------------
X

Pierre

i feel like i'm being attacked.

dancing with devils.

off to the side feeling awkard and disgusting and bullied in quiet ways.

accidentally making friends in kelseyville mildly offended because i don't like their boyfriends because their boyfriends hate me.


you told me that josh was very sarcastic and i wouldn't understand it and you were right.

but i cant even tell if he was being sarcastic. just dry.

i know whats behind the words.

and i know more than just one side of the situation.

i'm pretty sure i have a brain....




got two texts at one time.

one said "josh doesnt want you to go to the show"

one said "are you going to the show tomorrow?"

then i say no and ask why and he tells me he's just wondering.

then i'm like okay.

then he thinks reese is taking me and i say eek and asks if shes going and he says who says eek.

and i say i do and he says okay have fun buddy and i say you too and he says jdskfhds;f and i say thats fancy and he says you
're not.




i decided my alias is pierre.

There once was a boy named Pierre,
Who only would say,
I don’t care.
Hear his story, my friend, for you’ll find at the end, that a suitable moral lies there
One day, his mother said, as Pierre climbed out of bed,
"Good morning, darling boy, you are my only joy."
Pierre said,
I don’t care.
What would you like to eat?
I don’t care.
Some lovely cream of wheat?
I don’t care.
Don’t sit backwards on your chair.
I don’t care.
Or pour syrup on your hair.
I don’t care .
You are acting like a clown.
I don’t care.
And we have to go to town.
I don’t care.
Don’t you want to come my dear?
I don’t care.
Would you rather stay right here?
I don’t care.
So his mother left him there.
His father said, “Get off your head
Or I will march you up to bed!”
Pierre said,
I don’t care.
I would think that you could see,
I don’t care.
Your head is where your feet should be.
I don’t care.
If you keep standing upside down,
I don’t care.
We’ll never, never get to town,
I don’t care.
If only you would say I care,
I don’t care.
I’d let you fold the folding chair,
I don’t care.
So his parents left him there.
They didn’t take him anywhere.
Now as the night began to fall,
A hungry lion paid a call.
He looked Pierre right in the eye,
And asked him: would you like to die?
And Pierre said,
I don’t care.
I can eat you don’t you see,
I don’t care.
Then you would be inside of me,
I don’t care.
Then you’d never have to bother,
I don’t care.
With the mother and your father,
I don’t care.
Is that all you have to say?
I don’t care.
Then I’ll eat you if I may.
So the lion ate Pierre.
Arriving home at 6 o’clock,
His parents had a dreadful shock.
They found the lion sick in bed.
They cried, "Pierre is surely dead!"
They pulled the lion by the hair,
They hit him with the folding chair.
His mother cried, where is Pierre?
And the lion answered,
I don’t care!
His father said,
"Pierre’s in there?"
They rushed the lion into the town.
The doctor shook him up and down.
And when the lion gave a roar,
Pierre fell out upon the floor.
He rubbed his eyes and scratched his head
And laughed because he wasn’t dead.
His mother cried and held him tight.
His father asked, "Are you alright?"
Pierre said, “I am feeling fine;
Please take me home it’s half past nine!”
The lion said, “If you would care,
To climb on me I’ll take you there!”
Then everyone looked at Pierre,
Who shouted, “Yes, indeed, I care!”
The lion took them home to rest,
Then stayed on as a weekend guest.
The moral of Pierre is care!

-----------------------
X

necessary evil

i'm so glad they're getting exposure.


like when they were mtv artists of the week....
:)



you have to watch it, hammy.



i'm out.
-----------------
X

Windwax

i can feel the wall in my brain.

this isn't going to be easy to write at all.

especially because i've gotten used to the keyboards at school.

no..mostly because i feel absolutely no creative flow tonight.


on sunday we drove to the coast and i got my limbs buried in sand.

it was cold and grey but i think that's what made it all the better.

on monday i woke up, got dressed all fancy with a flannel and blue jeans and new pair of macbeths.

left after second with goodbyes to camille and gia.

we are all fools for tegan and sara.


veronica didn't get to go...

we ditched school together and yeah. long story short, her mom is a psycho bitch. not going to lie.

so i physically dragged alex to get ready and in the shower she went.

i burnt CD's and brought magazines for the somewhat lengthy drive to davis.

we got lost in davis, gross flat farmland, pretty much.

because no online map directions are ever trustworthy towards the end.

"should we turn down this dirt gravel road to nowhere..? yeah sure. wait. there's a tractor coming down it."

we hung out with alex's friend breanna, who goes to davis. she's totally cool. i've known her forever.

after waiting in line in almost the back, we got into the building and were almost up front.

after waiting, an horse came on.

i have listened to them before and was overly-impressed.

they're from australia and their accents are adorable.

then, like last time, they left the stage and after waiting half an hour the lights went out and movement on stage was seen.

Dark, you can't come soon enough for me...

their setlist was almost the same as last time.

(american idol's on and i have a man-crush on jason castro...)

their stories were completely different this time, though.

they are so gifted. with everything. talent, humor...

i was fucking busting up in the crowd. i looked over at alex (stuck behind a gross stinky man)

and she was laughing her ass off at sara's story. harder than me.

anyways. tegan never gets very involved with sara's stories. she just kind of chimes in with every once in a while.

but when sara's talking, EVERYONE is looking at her.

so i looked at tegan, and she was at the xylophone. she dropped the sticks accidentally, picked them up, looked over at me, and smiled.

i beamed.

everything was just fucking...magical.

"see you in the fall" they said.



dresden dolls may 18th.

got the tickets along with your letter, hammy.

way to make me beam once again.



i'm tired, and need to do laundry.

see you on the flip side.


i really do not like blogging lately.

here's before they left the stage... i think after their encore.

so yes... last look.



tegan is pure hotness.


-------------------------
X

Man With Two Brains

i haven't blogged in what feels to be weeks.

...it's only been eleven days.


i've been thinking lately.

narrow minded epiphanies in my head.

i discovered and exposed that the only person i try to impress is myself.

i set out to feel self accomplished.

if someone i even consider impressing isn't impressed by what i think is impressing,

i'm impressed.

i'm dressed to unimpress once again. to all of you.

except for me.



impressions come in so many different forms, in my book.

i can impress myself when i dress successfully.

"you somewhat match today," i can think to myself.

(unlike most people i have the uncanning ability to have no sense of fashion-forward appeal)

clothes are the last thing on my mind though. at least when i'm looking in the mirror.


i had broken a promise to myself.

out of all the promises i make, i have to break this one.

because i'm a fool.

reese did exactly what i thought she'd do to me.

she just did it a lot sooner than i expected.

she comes into my life. makes an impact.

i get used to her. she's a part of me again...

and then, she leaves. she abandons me.

i'm in the dust, just like i have been so many years before.

and i keep letting her trample on over me, letting her do the same thing to me again even though i'm completely aware of it.

"maybe she won't do it this time."

i can make myself believe anything i want to.

that doesn't mean it's actually true though. and that's the worst part.

my head makes no sense.

my heart makes no sense.



i am NOT the man with two brains.

i wish i could have two. one in my head, and one in my pants.

but here comes the "chris is different" role in my life.

the brain in my head completely overthrows the one in my pants.

this is the only reason i would ever wish to be like every other guy.

to forget about girls and never fall in love and go around fucking everyone.

"it's not the way i'm meant to be. it's just the way the operation made me."


i want a car and a plane ticket and money and a loyal friend.


cut myself the other day.

second time in my life.

again. on the stomach.

i don't even know why.

i wasn't even on edge.

i was just sick of everything, of everyone and how the world's changed so much as i grew up.



maybe everyone's been this way the whole time.

but now i'm just realizing it.



that everyone is plastic, and everyone's sarcastic.

--------------------------------

X

The Kill

i fought the british and i won.

but sometimes it's still really hard to look at your face and not see what i used to love.

and though it kills my strong guard wall to say this, you made today worthwhile.


today was the best you've ever treated me.

i don't even know what it was.

once i put in mr magoriums wonder emporium, that hard-to-get switch turned off.

you were just.. nice.

i could talk to you so easily. we were friends again.

we laughed and just talked about stupid stuff.

you looked at me when you talked.

you looked at me when i talked.

and that really meant the most.

i also made you laugh the hardest i've ever seen you laugh.

i'm sorry our chocolate chip cookie dough tasted like old gum.

"Part of me suspects that I'm a loser, and the other part of me thinks I'm God Almighty"-John Lennon

i couldn't explain how i feel about myself any better.



today was perfect in its own way.

my insecurites melted away once i saw how amazing your smile is.

you left out the door a few minutes ago.

...i want you back in my house.

which isn't good.

Delilah, by the Dresden Dolls.

i'm the girl.




their concerts next month. all ages, thank God. i'm asking mom about the tickets tonight.

what's surprising is they cost a couple more bucks than tegan and sara's.

i'm listening to their new song The Kill, which is going on their new album No, Virginia...

they recorded with a keyboard on this album, which i'm adjusting to the difference. but it sounds really good, i decided,

and cleaner. i think this was also recorded with amanda's shiny new voice, from the surgery she had on her throat-area

because of her voice nodules.

it's actually old and i knew it for a long time, but this is the first recorded version.

No, Virginia.. and their previous album Yes, Virginia...

because No, Virginia contains all of the outtakes and cut songs from the other records.





i am. fucking. stoked. for the next month and a half. and summer.


i love everything.

X----