another sleepless night.
i cant really blame myself, though. i sleep in waayyy past due time.
sleepless nights are harmful to your.. sleeping patterns?
i don't fucking know.
sometimes i lay in bed with my ipod, and cant remember changing the song to the current track.
sometimes i wonder why in the world Q-Tips are named what they are.
sometimes i wonder how that small black lab can achieve leaping over my fence to knock my dog up.
now all she does is hump me.
naughty freak.
mom's planning to abort bella's babies if she's pregnant..
"they won't be babies yet. just embryos."
whatever those are.
...i called her a baby killer.
reese and veronica magically connect to the song Nineteen.
what they dont know is that i do, too.
i just think they relate to the first line of the song:
"i felt you in my legs, before i ever met you."
they can interpret it as fucking.
a LOT of people do.
but i interpret it as feeling weak in the knees, your legs, they're about to fall out from under you.
it's just not like tegan to all of the sudden write about sex.
especially because the following lines are:
"i feel you in my heart, and i don't even know you.
now we're saying bye."
breanna makes me a little angry.
mostly because she steals caitlin from us all and invites herself down and hardly even talks to us.
one time me her and caitlin were all sitting in robins car waiting for theee parentals to come out of the store.
and i, as usual, was explaining to her the depth of tegan and sara's music and just how overall brilliant they are.
and of course, their music was playing on the cd i had in.
she said "i don't like them, see, i actually like music that has a beat."
i turned on the radio and on came loud screamo music with crashing drums and just overall tone-deaf disaster.
"a beat like THAT," she said.
i turned and looked back at her, and half-snapped "that's not a beat, that's a CLASH."
she didn't say anything.
it's not that i have a high temper...
it's more like not having tolerance for people so ignorant to the world of what's music, and what's not.
i mean i'm no beethoven, i'm the farthest thing from it, i'm unconventional and classical teachings just see me as a foreigner.
but someone who can allegedly point fingers and call something what it's not is just.. upsetting to me.
anyways, i'm excited for the concert.
and camille's best friend gia just moved here from the seattle area.
so i get to see this amazing girl.
actually, truth be told, i saw her like three months ago at the mall.
i was walking around with caitlin and i heard behind me "chriisss, we love yooouuu."
i turned and saw camille and gia.
never got a good look at gia, didn't really speak to her.
i actually thought she lived in like.. windsor or something.
anyways... i'm off like...
myself on a balancing beam?
kfhg;dfg;
-----------------------------------
X
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Curled away
i'm not really sure why it hurts as much as i don't want it to.
it's just sort of painful seeing that picture of reese and ariel making out.
old quote i wrote--
"anyone can take away the only people i want in life."
this is an A class example.
it's not heartbreaking.
it's not pulsating in my throat.
it's like a little prick in my finger.
but those little pricks have been coming excessively lately to the point where it's just like laying in a field with little needles poking at your neck and shoulders and skin.
everything just hurts in the smallest yet worst ways possible.
i am a plain fucking Virgo Bitch.
another prick in back of my head:
during winter, when it was grey,
i'd text reese and we'd talk about the rain that was pouring down that moment.
she'd say "i want you in my bed"
and i'd say ditto.
and we'd smile and flirt and make Plans.
today i told her winter went by way too quickly, and that spring could "eat a deck."
her reply was "yeah right! the rain pisses me off."
that's what hurt.
how our past has become something she hates.
People Are Fucked Sideways.
Xxx
it's just sort of painful seeing that picture of reese and ariel making out.
old quote i wrote--
"anyone can take away the only people i want in life."
this is an A class example.
it's not heartbreaking.
it's not pulsating in my throat.
it's like a little prick in my finger.
but those little pricks have been coming excessively lately to the point where it's just like laying in a field with little needles poking at your neck and shoulders and skin.
everything just hurts in the smallest yet worst ways possible.
i am a plain fucking Virgo Bitch.
another prick in back of my head:
during winter, when it was grey,
i'd text reese and we'd talk about the rain that was pouring down that moment.
she'd say "i want you in my bed"
and i'd say ditto.
and we'd smile and flirt and make Plans.
today i told her winter went by way too quickly, and that spring could "eat a deck."
her reply was "yeah right! the rain pisses me off."
that's what hurt.
how our past has become something she hates.
People Are Fucked Sideways.
Xxx
Sunday, March 23, 2008
black marquees and crossouts
i think i'm the least productive prodigy on the planet.
tonight's just another one of those nights where i just come here just to adjust my justness.
i came here because..
well, story put short, i live in cloverdale.
i fucking loathe the word Just.
here's my coolest photo up to date:

i've been drawing on tablets and editing photos like there's no tomorrow.
spilling ice water on customers at the bluebird's pretty embarrassing...
especially when you have to make an awkward quirk like "would you like some water..?"
and then they dont laugh, because they dont want me to recover.
i noticed all i draw is lesbians.
alls i know is that if i was a chick i'd be the coolest dyke out there.
i love them.
my brain's melting.
i have nothing to write about except for yesterdays and tomorrows.
i never have enough memorial capacity to be able to write about todays.
it's good having reese back-ish in my life.
it makes me glad when she comes around the corner at lunch and plops down by me.
like.. friends again. and whatnot.
because there have been a lot of rocks inbetween.
vinnie and i aren't on good terms.
i told him "you lie and manipulate people just to get what you want from them."
everything is plastic, and everyone's sarcastic.
i'm out like a fat girl in dodgeball.
-------------------------
X
tonight's just another one of those nights where i just come here just to adjust my justness.
i came here because..
well, story put short, i live in cloverdale.
i fucking loathe the word Just.
here's my coolest photo up to date:

i've been drawing on tablets and editing photos like there's no tomorrow.
spilling ice water on customers at the bluebird's pretty embarrassing...
especially when you have to make an awkward quirk like "would you like some water..?"
and then they dont laugh, because they dont want me to recover.
i noticed all i draw is lesbians.
alls i know is that if i was a chick i'd be the coolest dyke out there.
i love them.
my brain's melting.
i have nothing to write about except for yesterdays and tomorrows.
i never have enough memorial capacity to be able to write about todays.
it's good having reese back-ish in my life.
it makes me glad when she comes around the corner at lunch and plops down by me.
like.. friends again. and whatnot.
because there have been a lot of rocks inbetween.
vinnie and i aren't on good terms.
i told him "you lie and manipulate people just to get what you want from them."
everything is plastic, and everyone's sarcastic.
i'm out like a fat girl in dodgeball.
-------------------------
X
Monday, March 10, 2008
summer skin rush.
one tasty morsel at a time.
i can't get farther away from you.
it's impossible.
but this summer will break that word, because i'll be halfway around the world.
everything i'm excited about, i'm not excited as i should be.
maybe because i've done most of what i've wanted to get done.
seen what i thought i should see.
i should be blowing my guts out in excitement for europe.
normally i would.
but there's something gone. it's that rush.
i don't get that rush until i am in within a day of the event.
i can't fucking wait for tegan and sara.
i can't fucking wait for europe.
...honestly, truthfully, if i had to choose between the two,
i'd pick tegan and sara.
17 days in europe or a couple of hours with the girls on stage.
but it's okay, i guess... i don't have to make a choice.
because i'm doing both.
i've never wanted summer more than i have been.
because.. i'll be lonely.
yes. i want summer to come so i can be lonely.
i'm not being sarcastic...
there's another feeling that comes along with being sad with yr music and your loneliness.
it's almost... likable.
does that sound crazy?
especially during warm nights when i'm out on the lawn with my eyes closed.
"nobody likes to, but i really like to cry."
(the con verse 1)
part of what makes this song so relatable to me.
fucking pathetic? i know.
i'm just hoping to God this summer won't be like last.
please no more one-inch-away suicide attempts.
falling in love with death cab.
plans just amazes me.
there are so many sounds of summer in that album...
everything is just special.
walking with a ghost and back in your head remix drives me wild...
imagining you crying on your way home, in the bathroom, and before a doorway breaks my heart, hammy.
close your eyes, clear your mind, you're free to fly.
i'm out like a deaf kid in musical chairs.
------------------------
X
i can't get farther away from you.
it's impossible.
but this summer will break that word, because i'll be halfway around the world.
everything i'm excited about, i'm not excited as i should be.
maybe because i've done most of what i've wanted to get done.
seen what i thought i should see.
i should be blowing my guts out in excitement for europe.
normally i would.
but there's something gone. it's that rush.
i don't get that rush until i am in within a day of the event.
i can't fucking wait for tegan and sara.
i can't fucking wait for europe.
...honestly, truthfully, if i had to choose between the two,
i'd pick tegan and sara.
17 days in europe or a couple of hours with the girls on stage.
but it's okay, i guess... i don't have to make a choice.
because i'm doing both.
i've never wanted summer more than i have been.
because.. i'll be lonely.
yes. i want summer to come so i can be lonely.
i'm not being sarcastic...
there's another feeling that comes along with being sad with yr music and your loneliness.
it's almost... likable.
does that sound crazy?
especially during warm nights when i'm out on the lawn with my eyes closed.
"nobody likes to, but i really like to cry."
(the con verse 1)
part of what makes this song so relatable to me.
fucking pathetic? i know.
i'm just hoping to God this summer won't be like last.
please no more one-inch-away suicide attempts.
falling in love with death cab.
plans just amazes me.
there are so many sounds of summer in that album...
everything is just special.
walking with a ghost and back in your head remix drives me wild...
imagining you crying on your way home, in the bathroom, and before a doorway breaks my heart, hammy.
close your eyes, clear your mind, you're free to fly.
i'm out like a deaf kid in musical chairs.
------------------------
X
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Clever Meals
whoever said that there's plenty of fish in the sea,
and that only one of them is right for you.
...well, that's wrong.
did that person really think that out of 6,465,678,071 people in the world,
only ONE of them is the right person?
that's a lie.
it's just a choice of committing.
so if you lined up all of the ones that were right for you, what would you do?
i'd find a blindfold and let you spin me around until i stop.
my pointer finger will be towards the lucky one.
but love is not a game.
a game is something you can win...
last night was better than last friday night's.
last friday nights was spent on the railroad tracks with vinnie and danae.
and although i did get to grab at danae's boobs and whatnot and let her crawl on me,
yesterday was better.
i count on camille to be brilliant.
she draws better than me, in my opinion.
normally, this would bother me. but she's so real, it doesn't matter.
we both hide out and keep secrets and tell secrets and like good music.
no more masks.
yesterday in biology, megan was talking about her little mood ring.
right when i heard that i blurted "ohh i wanna do it."
she handed it to me and right when i touched it, i heard her say "WOAH."
i slipped it on my ring finger and asked why she said that.
"it turned BRIGHT blue like Right when you touched it... that means you're in love."
so i'm still trying to figure who that is.
maybe they're right in front of me and i don't even know it.
i need to stop looking.
close your eyes, free your mind, you're free to fly.
last night's rendezvous consisted of watching party monster and playing piano.
reese has been nice lately...
close your eyes, free your mind, you're free to fly.
-----------------------
X
---------
and that only one of them is right for you.
...well, that's wrong.
did that person really think that out of 6,465,678,071 people in the world,
only ONE of them is the right person?
that's a lie.
it's just a choice of committing.
so if you lined up all of the ones that were right for you, what would you do?
i'd find a blindfold and let you spin me around until i stop.
my pointer finger will be towards the lucky one.
but love is not a game.
a game is something you can win...
last night was better than last friday night's.
last friday nights was spent on the railroad tracks with vinnie and danae.
and although i did get to grab at danae's boobs and whatnot and let her crawl on me,
yesterday was better.
i count on camille to be brilliant.
she draws better than me, in my opinion.
normally, this would bother me. but she's so real, it doesn't matter.
we both hide out and keep secrets and tell secrets and like good music.
no more masks.
yesterday in biology, megan was talking about her little mood ring.
right when i heard that i blurted "ohh i wanna do it."
she handed it to me and right when i touched it, i heard her say "WOAH."
i slipped it on my ring finger and asked why she said that.
"it turned BRIGHT blue like Right when you touched it... that means you're in love."
so i'm still trying to figure who that is.
maybe they're right in front of me and i don't even know it.
i need to stop looking.
close your eyes, free your mind, you're free to fly.
last night's rendezvous consisted of watching party monster and playing piano.
reese has been nice lately...
close your eyes, free your mind, you're free to fly.
-----------------------
X
---------
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