Bazooka Blow my mind...

sentimental over reese lately.
not swooning, not lovesick...just memories.


memories include whorish, stupid, and sweet things she's said and done. all sorts of amazing and terrible things.
it would have lasted even longer if she would have loved me back.
...whatever.
i've got someone else blowing my mind lately, even if they'll never come around and give me a chance to blow their mind, because they've got someone else blowing their mind...

a chain, in simple words. an extremely solid one.

jishua is the lock on the chain. way at the top.
solid fucking gold.



"you lahv me, you LOVE jish."




i bought tegan & sara's older CD's "so jealous" and "if it was you"
there's this song on if it was you called You Went Away.

the lyrics describe almost exactly what reese did to me:

You went away
Cause you said that you can't stand me
So I went away
I was sure that you can't stand me
Well I don't think we have to be like this
forever
Is there more to life than love and being
together?
You went away
Cause you said you couldn't love me
I went away
Cause all I do is love you

you hear the very beginning of this song and expect the promising giddy little tune.

but the words come right in, and after you hear the first two lines, your mind immediately goes "Aw.."

it's like watching a little girl crying because she dropped her ice cream in the dirt, and you can't do anything about it.
it's that sort of feeling when i listen to this song.
the guilty feeling, and you want to magic a couple dollars out of your pocket and buy a beautiful new ice cream cone filled with chocolatey deliciousness.

it correlates to me picking up tegan's little lesbian heart and gluing it all back together and giving her a warm hug afterwards.
with bittersweet smiles and "poor baby"s.

browsed onto reese's profile and saw the title of her song.
"you were my everything."
i get curious to see why she chooses these songs.
i know when she dedicates them to me, just by the lyrics..
she's admitted it once.
i'm inbetween the lines on this one. can't decide if she liked it, or she's feeling sentimental also..:

This goes out to someone that was
Once the most important person in my life
I didn’t realize it at the time
I can’t forgive myself for the way I treated you so
I don’t really expect you to either
It’s just... I don’t even know
Just listen…

You’re the one that I want, the one that I need
The one that I gotta have just to succeed
When I first saw you, I knew it was real
I’m sorry about the pain I made you feel

...anyways. saw the picture of her and sam lemley.
i remembered the time when reese and i walked out of her room and saw sam on the couch chatting with her friends.
i was spreading icing over cake, and i heard someone whisper quietly "chris KYRIAKOS? nick's brother..?"

i turned around and sam was looking at me with this look like she had just seen a train wreck.
she darted her head away quickly. the room was dead silent.

the rest of that night, as i sat on reese's couch in the Living Room, i could see sam in the corner of my eye.
she kept glancing over at me.

it's sort of creepy. she's like 19.


and when quincey said "Dad can you see my boobs?"
i looked over, of course, like any boy would...

sam said out loud 'hah chris looked...!"

i shrugged.



lets say goodnight.

PS. holy shet, i can't believe i'm going to europe this summer...