occasionally june.

it hurts sometimes to be told you're doing nothing with your life.
especially when you hear it from one of your brother's drunk friends,
and then having to agree with him.
he stated that, took a paddle and smacked me with it while i tried to run away,
flinched in pain, and dropped my ipod.
my brother and chase both stood there chuckling.
i sat down at my crutch[aka my piano]
busted out 'the kill'
and sang at the top of my fucking lungs.
i dont think they cared, so i was happy.

i was outside a couple a days ago on my porch, with my mom and caitlin.
caitlin sat on the steps and said 'it looks like you're a little sunburnt on the bottom of your leg'
i looked at it, just kind of a red blob or some demonic skin disease,
and my mom said 'oh yeah, sunburnt from playing the piano.'
they giggled and i went inside.
i hate implications that say 'you're lame'
i'm tired of people laughing at me.
i guess im just one big walking joke.

i've slowly started doing my seasonal just-feel-like-doing-because-i-have-nothing-else-better-to-do art project.
i started it last weekend.
i went into my closet and lifted up an extremely heavy cart-like box of old childrens' books of mine and my siblings'.
i didnt ask permission if i could rip up their childhood,
but they wont notice because they're too busy being with their friends,
in other words, doing every thing i'm not doing.
so i'm cutting out pieces that i figure have potential to be in an all-meaning random collage.
of everything that appeals to me, whether it be floating balloons, organized words, or swinging circus people
and skulls.
i plan to find a good-sized background that will be hopefully something i just find off the internet,
[black and white] and paste pictures and words randomly around the focal point.
then, when i'm done piling things on, i can scan it..
i can love it..
i can admire it..
do nothing with it,
or do anything and everything with it.
i could walk around town carrying it, go up to random people and say
'hello, do you like my art?' and see them make a disgusted face and walk away.
go up to teenagers in trucks and say 'ya dig?!'
and then get beaten up and left in the grass in the plaza.
maybe hang it on my wall or bedroom door,
or glue it to my mirror, or let it sit in the kitchen until someone throws it away unnoticingly.
maybe i can bring it to places and ask them to hang it up in the window,
and they'll look at me with pity, smirk and say 'of course'
enough arting out.

today i was driving robin's truck all over the levy.
it's kind of gladifying knowing that in a couple years, i can get my license.

mmm. . .